i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
