Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize