yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
