So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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