She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
