mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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