The maid of honor just puked.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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