this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize