I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize