Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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