if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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