i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
