At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize