he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
