You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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