Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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