i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
