Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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