Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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