u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
time to smoke my breakfast
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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