please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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