thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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