i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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