i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
