Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
