Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
