The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
