Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
