I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
