I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
