I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize