oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
