He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
