if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
