I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
