If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
