Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
