So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I party with great urgency now.
I have post one night stand depression
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
