My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
