It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
