Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
