there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
