Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
