i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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