I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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