It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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