Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
