I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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