I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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