She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
