some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
