no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
