I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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