why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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