Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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