I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
