saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
