Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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