I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
