I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
