his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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