I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
