So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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