im about as happy as oj after his trial
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
