you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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