its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
