Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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