If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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