i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
